Grief
By Jonathan Anderson
Are you experiencing grief? Depression, lethargy, cloudy thinking may be part of your process. Read on for help. Grieving is a natural experience for all of us. The more you can understand about it, the less confused you will feel.
Grief (This can pertain to both loss of life and ending of relationships)
According to Elizabeth Kubler-Ross (1969), there are 5 basic stages of grief:
1)Denial/Isolation
2)Anger
3)Bargaining
4)Depression
5)Acceptance
First, it should be understood that the 'final' stage, acceptance, does NOT mean that you forget the loss, or that you are happy about it . . . it simply means that you have made peace with the loss and have moved into a place where you can continue living your life in peace.
Next, please understand that even though these stages do represent a basic order, that most people experience periods of each stage (in various order) until they finally reach a fairly consistent experience of acceptance. In other words, most people begin with denial/isolation (sometimes called 'shock'). Once the initial shock passes, the stages may seem to bounce around a bit . . . going from denial one minute, to anger the next, even to acceptance the next, then back to depression. Most find this experience to be quite unsettling and difficult to manage.
By beginning to take good care of yourself, you will find that each of the 1st 4 stages begin to last for shorter periods, and occur less and less often. Likewise, as this happens, you will find that the initial 'flashes' of acceptance happen more often and last longer and longer.
Grief ~ Treatment
Regarding self care, be creative . . . but follow some basic common sense: have a healthy diet, exercise, get counseling if you need, talk to friends/family, set boundaries and let people what you do and do not need, cry, etc. You may find journaling, drawing, playing music/writing music, and other creative outlets to be helpful.
MOST IMPORTANT: Do not let people (including me) dictate how to grieve--take peoples' suggestions and do what feels right for you . . . everybody has different timelines and different tools to use. As long as they are legal and not harmful to yourself or others, then trust your ideas--if they do not work, then try something else or ask for help with new tools.
Grief ~ Depression
As you go through the healing process of grief, you will find that there are times when you find you are doing OK, only to be hit by depression, anger, etc. . . seemingly out of the blue. Usually, these experiences are linked to some sort of trigger, or landmine, that reminds us (either consciously or unconsciously) or our loss. Some common triggers of grief are places and things associated with our loved one who has passed, TV shows that deal with loss, and songs that remind us of our loved one.
According to Elizabeth Kubler-Ross (1969), there are 5 basic stages of grief:
1)Denial/Isolation
2)Anger
3)Bargaining
4)Depression
5)Acceptance
First, it should be understood that the 'final' stage, acceptance, does NOT mean that you forget the loss, or that you are happy about it . . . it simply means that you have made peace with the loss and have moved into a place where you can continue living your life in peace.
Next, please understand that even though these stages do represent a basic order, that most people experience periods of each stage (in various order) until they finally reach a fairly consistent experience of acceptance. In other words, most people begin with denial/isolation (sometimes called 'shock'). Once the initial shock passes, the stages may seem to bounce around a bit . . . going from denial one minute, to anger the next, even to acceptance the next, then back to depression. Most find this experience to be quite unsettling and difficult to manage.
By beginning to take good care of yourself, you will find that each of the 1st 4 stages begin to last for shorter periods, and occur less and less often. Likewise, as this happens, you will find that the initial 'flashes' of acceptance happen more often and last longer and longer.
Grief ~ Treatment
Regarding self care, be creative . . . but follow some basic common sense: have a healthy diet, exercise, get counseling if you need, talk to friends/family, set boundaries and let people what you do and do not need, cry, etc. You may find journaling, drawing, playing music/writing music, and other creative outlets to be helpful.
MOST IMPORTANT: Do not let people (including me) dictate how to grieve--take peoples' suggestions and do what feels right for you . . . everybody has different timelines and different tools to use. As long as they are legal and not harmful to yourself or others, then trust your ideas--if they do not work, then try something else or ask for help with new tools.
Grief ~ Depression
As you go through the healing process of grief, you will find that there are times when you find you are doing OK, only to be hit by depression, anger, etc. . . seemingly out of the blue. Usually, these experiences are linked to some sort of trigger, or landmine, that reminds us (either consciously or unconsciously) or our loss. Some common triggers of grief are places and things associated with our loved one who has passed, TV shows that deal with loss, and songs that remind us of our loved one.
There are a few major landmines/triggers that you can plan for: Birthdays, anniversaries of a loved one's death, holidays, etc. Some people find that honoring their loved ones during these times can help to ease the pain. Plant a tree or make a donation in their name, write them a letter and bury it, burn it, put in in a bible or other spiritual book, etc. Be creative.
Genuine grief is one of the most difficult emotions to manage. A sense of helplessness, anger, frustration, sadness, and lethargy seem to all work themselves into the process of healing. This many emotions and experiences at once can be confusing, to say the least. Genuineness to self helps to clarify and respect each of these normal emotions. When each emotion is genuinely experienced as unique and valid, grief begins to release.(Click here to see the rest of this article and how Jonathan applies genuineness, awareness, trust and empathy to grief.)
Jonathan Anderson's career providing professional counseling as well as management and personal consultation for thousands of customers over the past 10+ years has prepared him to help people as they explore ways to find balance in their lives. He provides his counseling and consultation in a manner that is applicable to real-life situations (i.e.even metaphysical discussions are always brought back to real-life, even scientific, applications to your life). See Jonathan's blog on psychology, therapy, healing and learning.
Genuine grief is one of the most difficult emotions to manage. A sense of helplessness, anger, frustration, sadness, and lethargy seem to all work themselves into the process of healing. This many emotions and experiences at once can be confusing, to say the least. Genuineness to self helps to clarify and respect each of these normal emotions. When each emotion is genuinely experienced as unique and valid, grief begins to release.(Click here to see the rest of this article and how Jonathan applies genuineness, awareness, trust and empathy to grief.)
Jonathan Anderson's career providing professional counseling as well as management and personal consultation for thousands of customers over the past 10+ years has prepared him to help people as they explore ways to find balance in their lives. He provides his counseling and consultation in a manner that is applicable to real-life situations (i.e.even metaphysical discussions are always brought back to real-life, even scientific, applications to your life). See Jonathan's blog on psychology, therapy, healing and learning.
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